Survivor of deprivation in all forms

How do you forget to eat?

You can go ahead and put this in the “I should never have to explain this EVER” category! I would love to tell you that this question has only been asked by my very concerned husband but that is just not the case. People without kids ask me as well as those who have jobs where they get that allotted time to go eat.

Yes, my name is Valerie and I forget to eat. Yes, I feed my children every day. Oh….you want to know what I do while my kids are eating? Let me tell you. I clean up the mess I just made in the kitchen. I slip away to return the phone calls, or make the phone calls, that have been waiting for me since last week. I clean up the living room in hopes of experiencing what it is like to see it clean for more than 5 seconds. By this time, I am beckoned back to the kitchen for drinks. I get the drinks and make a mad dash to the bathroom because—YUP—you guessed it, I forgot to pee this morning. As soon as I think it is safe to release the door opens and I have two screaming kids asking me to mediate a fight over who got more french fries. I am a survivor of food deprivation and bathroom time deprivation.

How can you possibly be so tired all the time?

Let the rants begin! It took my middle child almost six years to sleep through the night (she will be seven in about a month). My youngest (my baby boy) still does not sleep through the night and he is turning 5 soon. So, for any of you guys reading this let me break it down to you.

As a mother our brains are trained to listen for those babies all the time. When it looks like we are sleeping chances are that we are only half sleeping. Our ears and our eyes are trained to always listen (please tip-toe). The moment that we do lose total consciousness we wake up feeling like the worst mother ever to walk the earth. Why? Well it is because it only takes a few minutes for something horrible to happen to those precious little babies. The world could end, the baby monitor could stop working, a fire could start, a bird could fly in the window and smother the baby in her crib (face it moms, you have come up with some stranger scenarios than that!). If this happens and I am being selfish taking a nap in the middle of the night then who is going to save my babies. We know you love them too but our genetics and hormones make us irrationally over-protective.

On top of only half sleeping all night we deal with middle of the night needs (bottle, water, bathroom, etc…), and night terrors. We aren’t just tired from all of this. We are tired because our brains never stop. It is not possible for us to just think about one thing at a time. We are masters of multi-tasking. We can feed a baby and pay bills (but we can’t remember to eat). We spend little to no time thinking of ourselves and even though we beg for quiet we hate it. Quiet means trouble, in most cases, and it also means we are stuck with our thoughts (refer back to our crazy scenarios about what could happen to our children). WE are survivors of sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion.

Do we really NEED to have a date night?

Dear Husband,

I know that we are going to go out to dinner and give up on seeing a movie because we cannot handle staying out past 9 pm. I also know that I am going to spend dinner talking about texting the babysitter to see how the kids are doing. I also realize that we could have saved time and money by staying home. The point of date night is to make the effort. To have some time when I am not pulling cheerios out of little noses or cleaning dried up puke out of my own hair. I just want to be your sexy wife for a few hours, even if that means we have to tip our server $40 on top of the 20% we left for tip because we occupied the same table for 3 hours. I like your company and I married you—the kids came after—so I would like to remember us the way we started. We are the foundation of this little family and we need to stay sane.

While I have your attention I would like to apologize for getting your hopes up about “later” as I started with good intentions. I did shave my legs and, normally, would not take the time to do this unless I was completely committed. I was committed until that third Cosmopolitan hit my system. I was going to just stick it out but you were being so sweet by handing me a glass of wine when we got home. I apologize for falling asleep on the couch. Thank you for carrying me back to bed. I love you…maybe next time. I am a survivor of a sex deprived life and so are you.


Your Wife

On the way to Miami
Running away for a Mom and Dad only vacation to Miami


Don’t you have friends?

I do have friends. Most of my friends are moms like me. We type text messages and forget to push send. We have conversations that span over weeks and we have no free time to hang out. As for the friends who aren’t moms—they are doing what any woman would do without kids—they are sleeping in! They are great friends but I don’t have them over for fear of scaring them out of ever having kids. I love my friends and on the rare occasions we do get together we talk about our kids. We can’t make new friends because going up to other moms in the produce section is seen as crazy (trust me, I have tried it…DON’T!).
Friendships are different for me because of moving every few years. I am that socially awkward one that is a ghost of her former self. I will try to scare you away and when you prove to survive through that I will know you can handle my level of crazy. I am restless because I never know where we will be living next year. I will always be there for my friends and they are there for me. We do not need to speak every day or even every week to know where we stand. When we do hit the town together everyone better watch out! We are survivors of friend time deprivation.

The moral of the story…

Moms are people too! Just tell us we are doing a great job and that we are beautiful. Dads are people too. They need to be loved. We are all HUMAN and just need support every once in a while.


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